Life. Love. Loss. 


One minute I was pregnant and then in another I wasn’t. On June 8th 2017 I miscarried at 9 weeks. My husband and I were not planning on our 4th child so soon after our last, however after about a month of getting use to the idea, we began to do so. We were planning when we were going to tell our families and announce to our friends. We were planning how we we were going to adjust our home and even our finances. 

Two days prior to my miscarriage I had an annoying feeling in my stomach. Both my husband and I woke up around 2 am on Wednesday morning in the bathroom feeling sick. Initially we thought it was from pizza we had ordered the previous night, however the kids were not sick. That same day I started spotting which I had never did when pregnant with any of my other children, yet I knew it wasn’t uncommon. 

Thursday morning I felt the same and was still spotting when I woke up and yet went into work. Around 12:40 I needed to go to the bathroom and that’s when it everything began. I passed what look like a large blood clot and what looked like a mucus plug afterward. Immediately fear started setting in and I knew something was very wrong. 

I quickly grabbed my stuff and went to my car and as calmly as I could called my doctor’s office in which they had me come right away. It literally took me 10 min. to arrive getting their at 1pm. I didn’t want to call my husband until I knew if my fears were confirmed or not, yet at the same time I needed him to know and I needed him to pray. I sent him a text because I didn’t want to cry, but he immediately called me and we talked as I waited to be seen. 
As soon as I was called I was asked to pee in a cup for testing. It was then that I passed which looked like another large blood clot and that is when I really knew that was it. That was my baby. The doctor told me the test came back that I was pregnant, however with all that had happen it didn’t sound like it was a healthy pregnancy.  After that, I had to get a sonogram to find out for sure. 

As I lay there on the table, I prayed that somehow after everything, miraculously my baby was still there. After several minutes of clicking and hearing no heartbeat, I was told that the baby was no longer there and that I most likely passed out everything that needed to come out when I went to the bathroom. I still tried to remain calm even after the doctor told me that there is always a 20% chance of miscarrying, yet I had been fortunate to have three children up to that point. 

Before leaving I had to have my blood work done and return after a week to make sure my hormone levels and everything went back to normal. As soon as I got to the car I let it all out and cried. Blaming myself of course and feeling like I was responsible for this happining. I called my husband in the midst and told him we had lost the baby, which was the hardest thing I had to do in life. 

I can say that I never thought this would happen to me and honestly this still feels surreal. I never got to hear my baby’s heartbeat nor did I see him/her moving around on a screen. Somehow I think the loss is easier to deal with just because of that. Today, June 19th would have been our first sonogram scheduled for 2:30pm and I am reflecting on what could have been. 
I chose to write this because I have always found comfort in writing. I chose to share this because you never know who may find their own comfort in knowing they are not alone.  I will never forget “Baby Fountain #4” and I will always be greatful that God chose me to be a carrier of one of his most precious gifts. 

One thing that I know to be true is that God is still a good God and we know He will grant us the desires of our heart.  The other thing I know to also be true is “…that all things work together for good to them that are the called according to His purpose.” Rom. 8:28. When it’s time, we will have another child. As for now, we are all doing fine and take each day with an extra little bit of love and an extra little bit of care.



The picture above was taken 1week prior to our miscarriage. 

Advertisements

The Value

My husband and I had a conversation the other day about people in general and recognizing when people are appreciative of you and not what you can do for them. This really had me thinking. Often we have friends, co-workers, church  member and even family members who you assume love and appreciate you because you have always loved and appreciated them.  However at some point (sometimes is sooner and sometimes is later), you realize you couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

Think about it…when was the last time a particular person called/texted you to just say hi and needed nothing in return? How about buying you something they knew you would like  just because? When you truly appreciate a person it’s not always about what you “give,” as it is about the thought and the sincerity that lies within your intentions.

When you are in any type of a relationship, each person has to be willing to give a little as well as sacrifice a little. When you give,  it cannot be grudgingly. It should be whole hearted and with pure intent. Also, you shouldn’t be doing it with the expectancy for the other person to return the favor (when your feel appreciated you don’t worry because you know there will be a return).

Lastly,  when you sacrifice in a relationship it will cost you some of your time, money and energy. If you are in a marriage this is something you might do often if not daily! You will have to go places you don’t want to go just to make the other person happy. Or maybe you spend the extra money for an upscale dinner date. You make the sacrifice because you love the person and you want to show them.

I challenge you today to think about some of the people in your lives and ask yourself, “Am I appreciated for me or what I can do for them?” The best thing you can do is trust what the Spirit
speaks to you (aka your intuition or your “gut” feeling). Everyone wants to feel appreciated and they should. You control who you let in your life. Make sure they add to your life and not rob you of your life.

Supporting scriptures: Luke 6:31; 1John 3:18; 1Corinthians 13:4

Happy Sunday Everyone!

Happy Memorial Weekend!

Like many of you, I celebrated the Memorial Day weekend by hanging out with family and friends enjoying a great cookout! We actually had so much food left over it was crazy! On a serious note, I do try to keep in mind the purpose of each holiday as it passes through the years and reflect on its impact today. For some who may not know, Memorial Day used to be called Decoration Day back in 1868 and is said to have begun after the Civil War where women in the Southern states would decorate the graves of fallen Union and Confederate soldiers. It began to catch on and sometime after  WW2  the name was changed to Memorial Day and would occur every year on May 30th because that is when the  flowers would be in full bloom and leading into summer.

In 1971, Congress decided that the day would become an official day of observance to be recognized on the last Monday every year in May for all those that served and died in a US war. Like many of our other holidays, the date may change from year to year and can make it hard to keep track of. However, no matter the date, I appreciate the fact that we as a nation choose to recognize those men and women who fought so passionately and have lost their lives. I pray that everyone takes a little  time to remember those who were fallen so they are not forgotten. May God continue to have a blessed and safe Memorial!

image

image

image

image

 

 

image

image

image

Animal Printed Top & Jewelry- Nordstrom/Skinny Jeans-Old Navy/Zipper Bow Flats-Linea Paolo

http://www.va.gov/www.usmemorialday.org

Home

I love when I am able to see my family in Northern VA. It’s almost like being a kid again! When your home nothing seems to matter. Mom literally gives you everything you need and if your a “daddy’s girl,” you get everything you want!

I also love going back now that I have a family because my children get to play and bond with their cousins. It’s a feeling that I never want to loose nor forget… it’s the feeling of home.

Pictured below is my mom and lil sis who are both fashionistas in their own right! 😀

image

image

image

image

image

image

image

Cardigan, Tank, Printed Pants, Beaded Necklace & Earrings-Nordstrom/Sandals-Forever21