Life. Love. Loss. 

One minute I was pregnant and then in another I wasn’t. On June 8th 2017 I miscarried at 9 weeks. My husband and I were not planning on our 4th child so soon after our last, however after about a month of getting use to the idea, we began to do so. We were planning when we were going to tell our families and announce to our friends. We were planning how we we were going to adjust our home and even our finances. 

Two days prior to my miscarriage I had an annoying feeling in my stomach. Both my husband and I woke up around 2 am on Wednesday morning in the bathroom feeling sick. Initially we thought it was from pizza we had ordered the previous night, however the kids were not sick. That same day I started spotting which I had never did when pregnant with any of my other children, yet I knew it wasn’t uncommon. 

Thursday morning I felt the same and was still spotting when I woke up and yet went into work. Around 12:40 I needed to go to the bathroom and that’s when it everything began. I passed what look like a large blood clot and what looked like a mucus plug afterward. Immediately fear started setting in and I knew something was very wrong. 

I quickly grabbed my stuff and went to my car and as calmly as I could called my doctor’s office in which they had me come right away. It literally took me 10 min. to arrive getting their at 1pm. I didn’t want to call my husband until I knew if my fears were confirmed or not, yet at the same time I needed him to know and I needed him to pray. I sent him a text because I didn’t want to cry, but he immediately called me and we talked as I waited to be seen. 
As soon as I was called I was asked to pee in a cup for testing. It was then that I passed which looked like another large blood clot and that is when I really knew that was it. That was my baby. The doctor told me the test came back that I was pregnant, however with all that had happen it didn’t sound like it was a healthy pregnancy.  After that, I had to get a sonogram to find out for sure. 

As I lay there on the table, I prayed that somehow after everything, miraculously my baby was still there. After several minutes of clicking and hearing no heartbeat, I was told that the baby was no longer there and that I most likely passed out everything that needed to come out when I went to the bathroom. I still tried to remain calm even after the doctor told me that there is always a 20% chance of miscarrying, yet I had been fortunate to have three children up to that point. 

Before leaving I had to have my blood work done and return after a week to make sure my hormone levels and everything went back to normal. As soon as I got to the car I let it all out and cried. Blaming myself of course and feeling like I was responsible for this happining. I called my husband in the midst and told him we had lost the baby, which was the hardest thing I had to do in life. 

I can say that I never thought this would happen to me and honestly this still feels surreal. I never got to hear my baby’s heartbeat nor did I see him/her moving around on a screen. Somehow I think the loss is easier to deal with just because of that. Today, June 19th would have been our first sonogram scheduled for 2:30pm and I am reflecting on what could have been. 
I chose to write this because I have always found comfort in writing. I chose to share this because you never know who may find their own comfort in knowing they are not alone.  I will never forget “Baby Fountain #4” and I will always be greatful that God chose me to be a carrier of one of his most precious gifts. 

One thing that I know to be true is that God is still a good God and we know He will grant us the desires of our heart.  The other thing I know to also be true is “…that all things work together for good to them that are the called according to His purpose.” Rom. 8:28. When it’s time, we will have another child. As for now, we are all doing fine and take each day with an extra little bit of love and an extra little bit of care.

The picture above was taken 1week prior to our miscarriage. 


Mother & Daughter Gala

What a time we had at the 3rd Annual Mother & Daughter Gala hosted by Virtuous Women Empowering Ministries by way of Kingdom Love Ministries Church. The event was filled with entertainment that ranged from African dancing, spoken word and a powerful inspirational message from First Lady Staci Fuller. This year theme was “masquerade.” One would think it was about dressing up and wearing your best custom mask awaiting when it was time to reveal who you were. This was sort of the case. 

The wearing of the mask was optional, however the powerful message behind wearing the mask  was one that all could relate to. It was about how we all go through life at some point wearing a mask to shield something in which we don’t want others to see because of fear of what others may say.  Some may come in the form of  unforgiveness, giving into peer pressure or even dealing with depression as First Lady Fuller shared of her own experience. This time was about revealing what was under the mask and admitting what your faults or needs were and recognizing the need for help.  

Not just getting professional help, but spiritual help from our Lord and Savior. The message was not for just our older women, but our younger too who allow things like the media to shape them into the opposite of what God have called them to be. We learned self love and to honor one another as women and those up and coming. Overall it was a great time shared with family, friends and a new found sisterhood. 

A red carpet affair. 😍

My cousins left to right, Kyesha  and Kim and my daughter and I. Kyesha helped to organize the event through with her church. 

My muffins. 

Striking a pose. 

Keepsakes from the night. 

Spoken word. 

Cherise and her daughter Zoe (also the one who styled mine and my daughter’s hair. Check her out at Ronncutts barber shop downtown on Broad street).

    Mothers and daughter’s cutting it up on the dance floor. 

    A party ain’t a party without the cupid shuffle!

    African performance by Culture4mykids

    They were awesome!

    The theater was filled with beautiful woman young and old. 

    My daughter and I performing “our dance” lol. 

    Charquita (one of my agents from work) and I. So happy she was able to attend with her mom!

    First Lady Fuller ministering. 

    This was a night that was well received. I hope you will join us next year for another great time of giving honor to our mothers and daughters! Stay tuned tomorrow for a post of who I was wearing. 😉

    The Blood Line

    Over the past two Sundays my Bishop had been preaching from Galatians 6. One of the things he mentioned and had me thinking about was how things can be passed from one generation to the next. Sometimes we struggle in life with certain things not understanding why we have been “dealt the hand” that has been given to us. At times many of the problems that have occurred are the results of our own doing while others are the result of generational curses that have passed down the family blood line.

    Such might be poverty where everyone in your family is always broke and have struggled to financial freedom. Perhaps its your lack of education because everyone in your family has a history of dropping out of school. Or, maybe you struggle with drug addiction like everyone like those that surround you.

    Just because someone said you will never be anything in life, doesn’t mean you have to believe it. Though something negative may have been spoken over your life and those of your loved ones, you have the power to change it. Generational curses can be broken, you just have to take the first step in believing you can conquer it with the help of God. The Bible says in 1 John 4:4, “Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.”

    Make your requests known to God and ask him for His help with whatever your struggling with today. It may not be easy at first, but take Him at His word and trust that He will carry you through.

    Be blessed!

    Mother’s Day: Everyday!

    Mothers Day must have been very good if I am writing about it three days later… well that and just being busy over the last week! Each year celebrating the event gets better and better. Although the gifts are nice, it’s about the fact that I have two beautiful children that need and depend on me daily and they call me mom.

    The ability to love and care for a child is far deeper and meaningful then simply sharing the same blood. Today there are many young girls and women birthing children and have to depend on someone else to raise their child for one reason or another. I’m so thankful that no matter the struggle, my mom raised me with the help of a supportive husband! Whoever raised you, be thankful and know that it could have been another way. Happy’s Mother’s Day to all moms, not just the assigned Sunday, but everyday! 🙂








    Denim Crop Jacket-Forever 21/Iridescent Tube Dress-Khols/Earrings and Necklace-Wal-Mart/Leaf Ring-Nordstrom/Belt-Charlotte Russe/Tie Not Front Espadrilles-NY &Co.

    Learn to Love

    In life you meet a lot of people. Some stick around for a lifetime and others don’t. At the end of the day your always faced with the question, was it me or was it them? If you know without a shadow of a doubt that you gave your all unselfishly and willingly in the relationship then great! It’s their loss and there is no need to cry over someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

    Now, if you were the one who never gave enough, never listen enough or never cared enough, then lets hope you’ve learned a lesson or two. Ever heard the saying, “You don’t know what you got till it’s gone? ” That isn’t always true. Sometimes people are very aware of what they have, they just take it for granted. Amazingly enough, people can show you how they feel about you without even saying a word and you can see it…if your paying attention.

    Don’t be afraid to listen from the other side. If anything, take note of what ‘s been said and reflect on it. The worst thing you can do is carry the same mindset from one relationship to the next. Whatever relationship it was, it doesn’t have to keep you from creating better and new ones. The Bible says in 1Corinthians 13:7, “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance,” (New Living Translation).

    Love the people in your life and show them how much you care. Just because one relationship failed, it doesn’t mean the next one will. If you have issues or insecurities, learn how to get over them. In the end, no one wants to be alone… not even you.

    Go Through It

    We all have faced or are still facing challenges in 2013 that have tested our FAITH. Whether it was loosing a loved one,  getting laid off,  financial struggles or receiving an upsetting diagnosis, if your still here today that means your a lot stronger than what you thought you were. 

    Do you know that God never promised that life would be easy? If it were He would not have left His Word for our instruction. When we look at some of the great men in the Bible you will see they didn’t have it any easier. For example, could you imagine being Abraham and having to prepare to sacrifice your son that you asked God to give you? Gen. 22.

    Or, what about Jonah? Could you be in the belly of a fish for three days and three nights uncertain of what was to come. Jonah1&2. I believe we all have different challenges for a reason and no ones is exactly the same.

    Ever heard the phrase, “There is always someone else that is worst off then you?” Sad as it may be, its true. SN: Why is this suppose to make us feel better about our own situation? Anyways, one thing is for certain, the Lord will not put more on us than we can bare. 1Corinthians 10:13

    We have to learn as children of the most high that we will go through hardships, but they are only temporary and ultimately for God’s glory. Whatever your struggles, know that God is for you and not against you. As I write this, I encourage myself and hope that it does the same for you. Cheers! May you have the best days in 2014!

    Merry Christmas!


    December  25th isn’t just a day of gifts, spending time with family or being off from work. This is the day that the Lord thought it not robbery to share himself with the world  in the form of his son, Jesus Christ. Jesus took every sin and fault with Him when He died on the cross so we could have everlasting life.

    As I reflect on my own life, I am reminded how thankful I am to be here and how far I have come.  Throughout all your hardships trust that God knows your needs and will take care of you. Today, let us remember the love of Christ and the peace of God that passes all understanding. Have a blessed Christmas and a prosperous New Year!

    Love, Me